The Illusion of Freewill
by Artemisdesari
Summary: Dean airs his doubts to Castiel after the events of 5x13. Spoilers and Dean/Cas pre-slash.


_I have to say that this episode was a vast improvement on the last two, so much so that I was inspired. Was anyone else disappointed with the lack of Dean taking care of Cas? Anyway, this is more pre-slash than actual slash, but it's still in there and apparently I still can't help myself. _

_**Disclaimer:** If it were mine Matt Cohen would still be playing Michael, Dean, Sam, Cas and Michael would all be stood in a room toegther utterly shirtless (or clothes free) and later Dean and Cas would go at it like rabbits in front of the cameras. Since this hasn't happened yet I have to assume that they don't belong to me and that I am only borrowing the pretties. I'll give them back... soon... I just want to play a little bit longer....  
_

The Illusion of Freewill.

Dean watches Castiel as the angel lies unconscious on his bed. This is the second time in as many days that the hunter has had to see his friend this way and he can honestly admit that he hates it. He hates how weak Castiel has become, he hates that he is still selfish enough to put his wants and needs over the safety of his friend.

Sam fell asleep hours ago, a combination of alcohol, mental fatigue and being brought back from the blink of death by the _Archangel Michael_ of all things. His meeting with Michael is still playing on Dean's mind, however, and no matter how much alcohol he drinks, or how much he shifts in the uncomfortable chair, he still cannot get to sleep.

In some respects, Dean is inclined to agree with Michael, there is no such thing as freewill, only fate and destiny, but in others... he takes another drink and forces the thought from his head, turning tired eyes back to the still form of his friend and allowing himself more time to dwell on Castiel. Sometime later, the angel stirs and Dean hears his name hissed from dry lips as little more than a question, an expression of loneliness in the gravelled tone that the hunter never expected to hear.

"Hey," he says it quietly, slowly because there is enough whiskey in his system to make his speech slurred and he is not so much of a dick that he is going to wake Sam up. "How're you feeling?" Dean gets to his feet far more gracelessly than he would like, but he supposes that Castiel has seen him far worse anyway.

"Better than I expected to," Cas has always been one to be brutally honest, when he chooses to be honest and that is more often than not these days anyway. The angel winces when he tries to sit up, leaving himself half propped up on one arm as his other curls around his abdomen and Dean settles beside him, worry worming it's way through him.

"You should lie back down," he tells his friend, sitting beside him and using a surprisingly gentle hand to encourage the angel to follow his recommendation. "Anna's dead," he says into the silence, hears Sam snore as he turns over and feels Castiel flinch under his hand.

"I know," Castiel looks away, "Michael..."

"Is a dick," Dean finishes, "just like the rest of them."

"He knew I was there, Dean, and yet he chose not to kill me," and there is a wonder in Castiel's voice and Dean feels a flicker of annoyance that he did not think to spare a moment of concern for Cas because Michael _had_ to have known that the renegade angel was the only one who could have sent his brother and him back in time in the first place.

"Did he speak to you at all?" Dean asks, already knowing the answer.

"No," and there it is again, that break and that loneliness, and this time Dean is positive that he heard it and he squeezes the shoulder that he is still holding on to. "But he spoke to you, didn't he."

"Yeah," it was not really a question, but Dean answers all the same. "The usual stuff, fate, destiny, you are my true vessel, the war will happen whether you like it or not." He pauses. "The insignificance of my non-existent freewill." He closes his eyes against the pain clouded blue eyes that stare up at him. "What if he was right? What if this is a losing battle? What if there really is no such thing as freewill?" He can keep a game face on for Sam because he has done that all of his life, but it is different with Castiel, has always been different with Cas.

"Michael is _wrong_, Dean. These _is_ another way, we _can _win and you have your freewill." Castiel sounds so certain, so positive even though Dean knows that he has his own fears and his own doubts. The hunter snorts and shakes his head and feels surprisingly strong fingers dig into his arm. "There _is_ freewill, Dean, I couldn't be here if there weren't," and the hunter understands the meaning of that, the fact that if there were no freewill Castiel could not have defied his superiors and could not have sided with them in the face of all the odds.

The silence is long after that, broken only by Sam's soft snores in the bed across from them as Dean sits with his hand still on Castiel's shoulder and Cas's hand still gripping his arm. Finally the hours of sleeplessness catch up with him and he settles next to the angel, too tired to care that he is sharing a bed with another man. Besides, this is Castiel, Dean's angel, the one who gave up Heaven for him. Dean can be alright with this for one night.

_This episode broke my heart a little, really, make me feel better?_

_Artemis  
_


End file.
